so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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