I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
