i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
