I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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