She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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