i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
