My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
