I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
