Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
