i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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