that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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