I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
