Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
