i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
