Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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