i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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