Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
