Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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