I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
