Little spoons don't ask big questions
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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