By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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