he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
