she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
