He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
