Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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