Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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