the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
