I puked a lego.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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