Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
