The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
