sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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