never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
