I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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