Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
