There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
