you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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