It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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