just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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