I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
