I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dick very happy bro
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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