I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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