i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
