Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
