He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
