Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
