im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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