What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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