dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
