i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
