you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
