Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Randomize
