She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
