you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's blow job season.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
