I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
